Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What if's, cleaning fairies, and ramblings!

Today feels different and weird. I would like to think it’s a good thing but I am just not sure. Last night I was official done with all my groups and I was/still am really excited. But now I have a feeling of what to do now, kind of a lost feeling. I know that it was time for those groups to end and I am moving onto more things like starting an NA meeting and doing church activities, so just because I am done with groups doesn’t mean that I am done with recovery.

But I have been doing these groups for the last 4 months of my life, met some amazing people in recovery and have the most amazing sponsor. I know what my problem is, change, I (most addicts) don’t like change, and when we are first in recovery we must get a schedule so that we don’t have the “free” time to go use. But now I am further along in my recovery and have out grown (is that the right phase?) certain things and need to move on to things that fit into my life now.

But, and I’m not going to lie, I am a little bit scared. What if the group I start doesn’t take off, what if the people I meet in my new chapter are not as supportive and great as the last chapter? What if I fail at this and I want to start using again? What if, what if, what if? Man I am getting tired of what if’s! They really will keep you up at night! (<- just an FYI) Ok, done with the what if’s. There is nothing that I can do about them. I just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

Now, I am stressing terribly bad right now, as you guys know I have moved into my own house (for those that don’t know, well keep up people! Lol just joking love you all) I have finished the living room, kitchen, and Kelli’s room. BUT my bedroom, the bathroom, and the mud room are yet to be done and it is driving my INSANE!!!!!! I know that it will get done, but it just is not getting done fast enough. Where are the cleaning fairies when you need them?

I just need to accept the fact that it will get done when it gets done and just quit stressing! Ok, I am done rambling! I hope that everyone is having a great week and that it has been blessed!

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