Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Freedom and Sadness

            So last night was Kelli’s first meet the teacher’s night. Tomorrow she will be starting kindergarten. For Kelli it was exciting and amazing. For mommy it was sad and freeing. (<- I will explain that in a minute)

            Kelli’s teacher is so nice! I got to talk to her about Kelli’s cousin that is in the same class that Kelli is in (not very happy about that, but it is what it is) and explained that I would like to have them kept apart as far as in the class room during learning time. Neither one of them are bad kids but when they get together it is all play and talking. So for both of their learning sakes I felt it would be beneficial to talk to the teacher.

            Kelli was walking around the class room in awe of everything that she seen. We also got to set up her desk and cubby hole. She was so proud of it and showed mommy and daddy where everything is. I am glad that her father and I can have a friendly relationship, in front of Kelli that is.

            Mommy was sad and cried, just a little, ok a lot! Daddy made fun of mommy because it is just kindergarten, its not like she is going off to college. I don’t think he realizes that is the next step! Ok maybe I am exaggerating a little, but it will come! Kelli told me “Mommy don’t cry, its ok, I will come home every night and tell you all about my day! I have to grow up sometime!” She is so wise for a kindergartener. I love her to death. I am not ready for her to grow up! She is my baby!

            Although I was sad, walking into that school was freeing. Kelli went to preschool in Warrensburg, I started the school year out with her and then I went to prison, everyone knew! When I came back home I finished the school year out with her, taking her to school, picking her up, and all that jazz. After coming home when I walked into that school I felt like everyone was thinking “Oh there is Kelli’s mom, she is an addict and just got out of prison.”

            But we have moved to a different town, although it is only 30 minutes away nobody (but family and friends) know me there and what I have done. So walking into the new school I was not “the drug addict mom” I was just “Kelli’s mom” and that was so nice and freeing. All I want to be is Kelli’s mom and I think that this is the first time that I felt as if I was just Kelli’s mom!

            So tomorrow is the big day and I am going to be a mess all day! I have already warned my boss! J Kelli’s dad is going to come down in the morning and we will be taking her to her first day of school. Friday will be the first time that she will get to ride the bus. I really think that she is more excited to ride the bus then she is to go to school. Every time (since she was 2) that she has seen a bus she says “Oh mommy I can’t wait until I can ride that” or “There’s my bus that I will get to ride one day when I grow up”

            I love my BABY! Please pray for me tomorrow that I can keep it together at least until I leave the school building!

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