I just don't feel like doing anything. My house is a mess, the past couple of days I have not put on make-up, and I don't even think about what to wear I just throw something on.
I am nervous and excited about a couple things that are coming up. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe I am just going though a morning period in my life.
It might sound crazy to "normal" people, but I need to morn my past life. Do I miss it? Sometimes! Do I want to go back to it? Not at all! Is my life better now? Yes it very much so is.
So then why do I miss the other life? Maybe because I was comfortable there, I knew what was coming everyday and I knew (even though it wasn't the right way) how to handle it.
I just need to get into a routine.
I hope that everyone has a great weekend!
I think you are so wise and very intuitive. I think that you hit on some really good points here...change is scary, its hard to create a new life minus the coping skills you used to use. You are learning new skills though, and becoming more and more fluent in them everyday that you put them into action.
ReplyDeleteHi Brandi... when I was in rehab we got given this handout:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/relapse-prevention.htm
and I think it is fantastic.
The bit that could be relevant to you right now is this:
In emotional relapse, you're not thinking about using. But your emotions and behaviors are setting you up for a possible relapse in the future.
The signs of emotional relapse are:
Anxiety
Intolerance
Anger
Defensiveness
Mood swings
Isolation
Not asking for help
Not going to meetings
Poor eating habits
Poor sleep habits
The signs of emotional relapse are also the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal. If you understand post-acute withdrawal it's easier to avoid relapse, because the early stage of relapse is easiest to pull back from. In the later stages the pull of relapse gets stronger and the sequence of events moves faster.
I think you're doing the right thing though, meetings, meetings, meetings...