Today was horrible mentally for me...I ate everything in sight. I did wake up at 5:30 this morning and read my readings. But other than that everything else I did not do! Mentally this was a hard day.
At about 3 this afternoon I felt gross, horrible, and disgusted with myself. So I took a nap...which brings me to my lesson today:
I can start over at any point!
I have learned this throughout my years in NA but I have honestly never applied it to my life. Thankfully I did today. I woke up from my nap, remember this and started making better choices. I was going to work out after I posted something on Facebook, but wanted to blog before I forgot ( I have a horrible memory).
So my lesson for today; no matter how you feel, no matter what is going on, no matter what...YOU and I can start our day over at any point!
Thank God for that!
Saturday, January 2, 2016
That was the topic of last night’s Narcotics Anonymous meeting. As this new year starts I feel that for me this is a good topic.
I have slacked in the vigilance department in all areas of my life. My physical health, my spirituality, my mental health, and my day to day life.
I have known this for a while. But knowing and doing are two different things. This year I need to do something about it. I have life goals…I do not have resolutions. I don’t really like resolutions…I feel like when I hear the words resolution they are set up for failure. At least in my life. But I degrees.
Why does it matter if I am vigilant or not? In all areas of my life if I am not vigilant I will lose it.
My mental health for a lack of a better way has been horrible. In September I tried to take my life…thankfully the cops were called and they found me just in time. I don’t say this for sympathy or pity. I say this because I neglected myself. I gave everything I had to everyone else with nothing left over for myself (there were other things going on obviously but for the most part this was the reason). This year I plan to take time for myself, it is not something that I would like to do, it is something that I have to do.
My physical health is not much better than my mental health. I have gained so much weight that I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. It has nothing to do with the number on the scale, because honestly I just don’t care what that number says. I just want to feel comfortable. I need to feel comfortable.
My spirituality could be better, and actually it’s just as bad as my mental health and physical health. I have not been going to church nor have I been doing my daily readings that I used to do.
And my day to day life is just as bad. I become obsessive about little things and have so many to do list that it’s not even funny. In this I forget about my little things going on at home.
So these are things that I am going to be vigilant about through-out the year.