Friday, January 2, 2015

New year, new me?!

Not for me, not this year. Honestly it feels like the same me I have been for the last 4 years. Which, mind you, I am not complaining! The me that I have been for the past 4 years is way better than the person I was for 12 years before. But I have to be honest. I am getting bored, yet so busy I am exhausted. I work full time; go to school full time, and a full time mom. I love it; please don’t get me wrong, I really do love it. I am just struggling I guess.

New Year’s Eve was hard. I spent it with my kids and Josh. It was wonderful, I honestly could not have asked for a better one. But there were those thoughts in my mind that it would have been nice to go out and have fun and drink. Drinking…that’s where my thoughts ran. Addiction is hard. Addiction is cunning. Addiction sucks.

Honestly I think I know what the problem is. Feelings, I am very good at stuffing feelings, pretending stuff doesn't happen and then it comes up to bite me. Uggg after 4 years of being clean you would think I could cope with feelings better. At least I can recognize my issues still, right?

Secrets keep us sick. So I share. I have to share. No matter how angry I get at myself. Nor how angry anyone else gets at me. I have to share.

2015 is going to be great, because I am going to make it so. I hope everyone’s year goes smooth as well.