Friday, March 23, 2012

Addiction: Leads to death, but doesn't have to.


Ok, I have put off posting about Whitney Huston’s death because, well…many reasons. The biggest one is that I am mad about what people have been saying “She was an addict, who cares”

Well, her mother cares, her daughter cares, the rest of her family and friends care. SHE WAS STILL A PERSON regardless of rather she was an addict or not. She had feelings, she had issues, she had a life; rather it was the way it should have been lived by “people’s” standards or not.

So I wrote a whole post and sent it to Josh to edit…I got back “No” lol.

So because I can’t write this kind of post without being or sounding angry, Josh took over the post for me.

Thank you to Josh for bring the rational one on this blog J


I've been hearing alot of negative comments and opinions concerning Whitney Houston's death; many of which hit close to home. I am an addict (in recovery) just like Miss Houston was. Does it make her death any less tragic or worthwhile because she had an addiction to drugs? Was she still not a person, a mother, a daughter, a friend? She suffered from the DISEASE of addiction; and sadly her death is just one of many examples which shows what this disease ultimately leads to.

 People say "well she had everything; money, fame, talent. She didn't have any problems the world was given to her and she just threw it all away on drugs." This herein lies the problem with the majority of what is being said about her life and death; none of us knew her. We assume she had a "perfect" life; though none of us can have any idea what was going on in her head or the pain she experienced on a daily basis. Yet as an addict myself, I can probably easily relate to some of what she felt because I've been there.

Addiction does not discriminate in any way, shape or form. It doesn't care what race you are, your gender, your education level, how much money you do/don't have, whether you’re famous or unknown; it can affect anyone. Many people out there (I used to be one of them-later found out) believe that it is a simple matter of willpower. I'm sure you've heard someone say "Well that will never be me because I have too much self-control and will power." Oh how nice this would be if only it were true.

Addiction attacks one's whole being; their mind, body, and soul. How can someone have more willpower than addiction when the addiction controls their willpower? Some may think, well I can do it for my kids because I love them so much. Yet again, if only our addiction didn't take over our power to love.

Addicts still love their kids, among many other people and things; yet only as much as the addiction allows them to. I'm not a doctor, scientist, or psychologist; just an addict in recovery who's lived it. Whitney Houston, and anyone else who is an addict or addict in recovery isn't weak; they simply have a disease. Though there is no cure, it is treatable. We learn to ask for help and rely on a power greater than ourselves (many call it a Higher Power or God) because we need a power greater than our addiction.

So unless you've lived in her or any other addicts shoes, maybe one should think twice before putting them down and assuming that it was their choice to become an addict. Do people choose to get cancer?, or become diabetic? Would we call these people weak because of their disease? I sure hope not.

Instead of knocking Whitney Houston and other addicts; we can use her death to help educate others about this fatal disease and maybe save many others from suffering the same fate. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A much needed get away!

This past weekend my mom and I took Friday off and just left!

We didn't know where we were going or what we would do when we got there.

I dropped Kelli off at school Friday morning and then headed to my mom's house.

I have to say that I needed that so bad. We get caught up in the little things that happen day to day that we forget about the big things in life.

Mom and I ended up heading to Osage Beach. They have an outlet mall down there that is to die for!

We had so much fun this weekend. We laughed, we joked, we had serious conversations and then we laughed some more.

I have the best mom in the world. I look at other mom's and think if they were my mom would they have stood by me and put up with my past crap. I have to say that I don't think any other mother would have put up with me. But my mom has been by my side the whole way and loves me just as much as the day I was born. I love that woman!

We took lots of pictures, so here are a few.

This is my mom and I at the beginning of our trip.
 Mom doubted my directions...I just want to say that I was right.
 This is at Bagnell Dam.
 Mom and I.
 Look my mommas so strong she is holding up a thingy mcthing. (I don't know what that is)
 This was a sign in our hotel room.
 We obviously don't follow the rules to well....and we didn't pay the $25. (Shhhhh don't tell anyone)

We had a blast. Actually I have to tell you guys that we laughed so much that mom actually lost her voice. Monday and today her poor little voice is gone. But it was so worth it :)

I love you momma!

Friday, March 2, 2012

What helps a person stay sober?

I have been asked by people just getting into recovery what suggestions I have to help them stay sober. One thing that everyone has to understand, not just recovering addicts but also the people that love them, is that there is no cookie cutter way to stay sober. What works for one might not work for another. I think that’s why I love NA, they show you the way that your life could be and they help you get there. But it’s up to you how you do it, you get to choose your higher power, you get to work the steps your way and figure out what they mean to you.

I can’t tell people how to do it, but I can share what has worked for me and what I have learned along the way though NA, other recovering addicts, and the things that I have faced.

What has worked for me and what I have learned:

·        Be open-minded! When I was in my active addiction I wanted things done my way and that was it. There was no compromise and there was no other way. If it didn’t go my way there was hell to pay. But by being open-minded you can listen to others suggestions and apply them to your life if need be. Also being open-minded helps with your stress level, I know that from experience J

·        Get a program. Preferably 12 step based. I choose NA. Most people are scared of NA because of the “religious” aspects. People let me tell you NA is not religious, it is spiritually. There is a big difference. You choose your higher power, whatever it may be, yes mine is God, but that doesn’t mean that yours has to be. A higher power is just something bigger then yourself. I know people who their higher power was the group itself, for some it’s nature; there are many other things that a person can choose as there higher power but it’s up to that person and what works for them.

·        Start a schedule and get some structure. That is one BIG thing that I learned worked for me! My life in my active addiction was so chaotic and jumbled that when I got sober I had no idea what to do with my “free time”. When I got out of prison I started doing little things at the same time every day. For example reading my daily devotional every morning. Yes, my schedule has changed over time, but I still have it and it keeps me from feeling lost.

·        Set a goal. This is something that I am just now learning and doing. I feel like I am doing everything in my life that I can do right now and that it is going to stay the same forever. It’s not, that’s just how I feel. So I have set 2 goals for myself this year. 1) Lose 42 pounds, this is something that I can work on every day, and 2) Start school, I have put in my application for UCM (a college in this area) and am waiting to hear back from them.

·        Don’t be afraid of the slump. This again is something that I am learning and dealing with right now as I type. Everyone that I talk to in recovery has had a slump but it’s not the end of the world or your sobriety if you don’t want it to be. I had to think about what got me into the slump in the first place and what I can or have to do to get out of it. My problem was my schedule, it had changed and I wasn’t doing everything that I knew that I had to do and I was beating myself up over it. Beating yourself up over something does no good! You have to look at it see what you can do to change it and get over it and move forward! I looked at my schedule seen what I NEEDED to do and started doing it, actually I just started it over again this past Monday. This week I have felt better than I have in a long time. I have energy and know what I need to do though-out the day and it gets done. Josh and I were talking about this the other day. He said something that I thought was great and that I needed to hear. Josh said “If we miss something on your schedule that doesn’t mean our whole day is wasted, we just have to pick up where we are now and go from there.” I like that, and that’s something that I have to remember daily.

These are just things that have helped me these past 17 months and that I need to remind myself of. It really helps to write them down.

What are some of the things that have helped you stay sober?