Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The most horrible thing!

                Memory lost is probably the most horrible thing in the whole world! I can not remember anything, it drives me horribly crazy. I have actually cried a time or two because of it.

                They say that drugs and alcohol will kill brain cells and until recently we thought that once they were gone they were gone. BUT now they are saying that brain cells can be regrown. Which I have to say it is amazing what this human body can do. But they do say that for meth users it can take up to a year to get your full memory back. I only have a month and a half to go and if I still can’t remember anything after that I am suing someone LOL just kidding.

                But seriously, I need something back, this is killing me. Ill give you examples from small: yesterday I forgot my lunch, I was horribly (<-that is my new favorite word, can you tell lol) hungry. Last night my aunt cooks chicken enchiladas (they were yummy yummy yummy!) and gave me some for lunch today, my family was teasing me that I shouldn’t even take them because I would just forget them. I swore up and down that I wouldn’t. BUT what did I go and do today? Yep you guessed it I forgot them. Ugggg it made me so mad! From the huge: I can't remember Kelli's first steps. I tried and tried to remember them. I know I was there. I know that she was almost 9 months old. I just can’t remember THEM! I can’t remember where she walked to or if she was already standing, or what. I don’t even remember her first word. This hurts my heart!

                But it’s not only this stuff…its thing that just happen to! Like my mom, aunt, grandma, a friend and I were all out to dinner. We are all talking. I guess my mom gets up to go to the bathroom and comes back. When we were in the movie theater our friend made mention to this. I did not remember at all that mom had even got up from the table. I asked mom many times that night, did you really go to the bathroom in the restaurant? She assured me that she had. This might not seem like a big deal to most people but to me I wanted to break down and cry.

                I don’t know what is wrong and why I can’t remember anything, I am hoping that after my year of sobriety something’s start to come back and memory is the one thing that I am hoping for. I know that it will not happen over night. I just hope that it STARTS to happen. I don’t want to ever forget Kelli’s first day of kindergarten but if it keeps going like this I will. That is why I am so picture happy most the time. So at least I can remember some. If only I could remember where I put the pictures in the first place!


  1. Maybe it will take a few extra months who knows? You are here, you are doing amazing. I have heard different things about how long it truly takes for Detox (up to 2 years) and how long it takes to truly recover.

    We are all different and our bodies recover differently. I sure am glad that you remember to write on your blog though! lol

  2. Sweetie, keep taking pictures because they really are the best way to keep memories alive, and to allow Kelli to see her own self.

    As for the memory, stress is also a reason we are forgetful sometimes (your lunch) and the fact that you could not remember your mom leaving the table could be that you were pre-occupied. I'm not trying to say you don't have memory issues, I'm just saying that sometimes worrying about memory issues makes them worse. I have a very bad memory and it does feel weird....but you are obviously a bright young woman with a good brain and a great heart :)