Thursday, November 17, 2011

Second Chances and Control (and Day 17)

Today I am thankful for a second chance, and third, and fourth, and so on. If I was not given this chance I would not be who I am today.

I have messed up a lot in my life and I know (and knew all along) that I could do better.

My higher power (who I choose to call God), my family, my friends, and even Kelli have given me this chance at life. There are times that I am not sure that I even deserve it, and I probably don’t, but it was given to me and I will make the most out of it.

There are days that I feel sorry for myself being an addict, there are days where I feel empowered being an addict, and there are days where I am just ok with being an addict.

But today, with my second chance, I can decide what I will deal (in the right way) with my feelings and move forward. The days of the past are over and I only see good things, people, and decisions from here on out.

I can say that just for today I love myself and the things I am doing. I don’t have to hide and I don’t have to look over my shoulder. I can embrace my freedom and everything it throws at me.

Progress NOT perfection.

As well as having my thankful post, I also have a piece by Josh to be included.  

Our Own Recovery

I was recently talking with a wonderful friend in recovery about how I wish I could help other addicts seeking recovery see what I see.  She reminded me that I only have control over my own recovery and actions.  This sank right in, and I have to always remember this. 

 It's just so different now that I've put some clean time under my belt, and shows me just how much my thoughts, actions and just life have changed.  The good thing I learned is this class and being around addicts new to recovery or those who may not have decided they are addicts; is that I used to be just like them. 

I used to be the guy who didn't think he was an alcoholic/addict.  I used to blame everyone else for my problems and why my life was so bad.  I used to not be able to accept that I was the one responsible for all the trouble I've been in (it was me who broke the law and got put on probation, not the probation officer making my life hard) This is just one of endless thoughts and ways I didn't accept that I was the only one with control over my decisions and actions.  Just because someone hits you, does not mean you have to hit them back.  You have that choice, of how to react. 

 Hearing the same excuses and ways of thinking that came from my own mouth in the past is part of how the phrase "we can only keep what we have, by giving it away" works.  By sharing my experience and hope with others, especially those new to recovery, reminds me of where I was, and how far I've come.  This is a very strong way I can easily motivate myself to keep continuing in my recovery.  It shows that the hope I began seeing in others' lives when I first came into recovery that helped me listen and take suggestions; is now clearly visible in my life.  I now have hope from personal experience in how my life has changed in recovery.  And trust me, I will take all the hope I can get my hands on. 

 I'm only responsible for my own recovery, and by sharing my experience, I'm able to keep what I've so freely been given.  I have no control over whether my sharing will ever help another addict or not, but I do know that it helps me continue in my recovery.  If I start putting expectations on what I hope will happen as a result from my sharing, then I'll only be placing a way to judge my own recovery based on others' reactions and choices.  I do not wish to put my life in others' hands today. 

My will and my life have been given to my Higher Power(though I still take parts of it back regularly and must keep surrendering each day), and I'm learning how to love and be compassionate by just being me and sharing my life, and experiences with others.  I can write a book, but have no control over whether anyone ever reads it or not.

Thank you Josh, as always well put and written.

I thank you Josh that you help out on this blog and you help me in my recovery everyday!

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