Thursday, November 3, 2011


1. a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.
2. (initial capital letter) one of a sect of Greek philosophers, 4th century b.c., who advocated the doctrines that virtue is the only good, that the essence of virtue is self-control, and that surrender to any external influence is beneath human dignity.
3. a person who shows or expresses a bitterly or sneeringly cynical attitude.
October 25
What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing. –Oscar Wilde
               Some people defend themselves, and thus their self-esteem, by wearing an armored suit of cynicism. The worst thing they can imagine is being “taken” in any way. The shame and humiliation of being set up and then let down would be nothing short of unbearable. So every morning they strap on their armor plates and go clunking through another day, stifling, sweating, but puncture-proof, by golly! Nobody’s ever going to get the better of them.
               But the armor wearers aren’t going to get the best of themselves, either. Too much is locked inside-good, human stuff like hope and tenderness and sincerity. It isn’t possible to be so distrustful and defensive about other people without looking at ourselves as so vulnerable that we couldn’t survive even a pinprick of disappointment or deceit.
               We can’t use pessimism and suspicion to protect ourselves without becoming mummified. We can’t learn to believe in ourselves and also have a sneering disbelief in the motives and integrity of every person we meet. And we certainly can’t ever dance under all that armor. No. until we rid ourselves of cynicism, the only step we know goes clunk, clunk, clunk.
As I gain confidence, my defensiveness fades.

I am guilt of having a suit of armor. Although my suit was made of Meth. Meth kept everything away from me and I did not get hurt. Now that I am sober I can no longer look to my "armor" and have it protect me, no longer can I look at people with the same distrust that I did before. No body "put one over on me" I put one over on myself. I lived in my addiction longer then I should have because of it.
But today I am free and I know that this life is easier then the one I was living. I can trust other and myself. I can love others and myself. But most importantly I can enjoy others AND myself!

Just for today I will let my defensiveness fade and let my confidence shine though!

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