Self-help must precede help from others. Even for making certain of help from heaven, one has to help oneself. –Morarji Desai
When all is said and done, we are responsible for what happens to our lives. Not that we can control circumstance, but the ultimate decisions as to attitude, acceptance, and behavior are in our hands. Other people may give us our start, but our finish is up to us.
Sonny’s self-esteem was taking a beating because of his many failed relationships with women. Again and again, this sweet, good-looking man had been certain that “this was it.” Then, mysteriously to him, the woman always backed out, called it off. Until he got professional help, Sonny didn’t realize that he was subconsciously restaging the drama of his mother’s rejection. At 41, he was still looking to the woman in his life for the unconditional acceptance and approval that he had been denied so many years ago. Not so mysteriously, his woman friends decided to look for partners who were perhaps less sweet, but certainly less needy.
Over time, Sonny learned that he had been unrealistic and unfair in his relationships. By letting go of the past, he reclaimed his power to function in the present-as a man rather than a boy. At last he took his self-esteem out of his mother’s hands. As must we.
Until I leave “what was” behind me, I will keep reliving it.