Communication

By Josh:

‪One of the many problems that comes with addiction is inability to communicate.  By using, we simply push our feelings and emotions on the back burner, thus not talking about them at all.  It also affects the things that we do communicate to others.  Many of these are negative; i.e. blaming others for our problems, telling our friends that they don't have it as bad as we do, or flat out lying and saying everything is ok, when it is not.  When we get clean, part of recovery is learning how to communicate in positive ways.  By being vocal about our feelings, and things that are bothering us; we begin accepting that we can't do it alone.  Asking for help, or just sharing how we feel with another person is the first step in acknowledging that there is even a problem.  If you can't even acknowledge there is a problem to begin with, how will you ever solve it?  It also strives to be honest, not exaggerating or dramatizing events and feelings.  Just simply try to state how you feel.  We can only change ourselves and take responsibility for our actions and thoughts; so when communicating try to just stick to your role in any situation.  What could of I said to help the situation, how could've I acted differently?  Questions like these have helped me from day one of my path in recovery.  We also can strive to speak in ways that clearly get our points across, remembering that it's not always what we say, but how we say it as well.  We cannot control how someone may take our words; but we can control what we say, how we say it. Also, by thinking before we speak, we can at least leave a lot less room for how our words are interpreted.  Since I'm being honest, I'll admit I gossip at times.  I'm trying more and more each day to refrain from this, because it usually leads to hurting someone and a lot of miscommunication between people.  If you have a problem with someone, it's never really gonna be solved by talking to everyone but that person.  And we also can't expect our friends or others to fight our battles for us.  The way I've found works best, is just talking to the person in a respectful manner.  Just letting them know how I feel about what's going on, and admitting my role in it.  I don't need to blame them at all.  More often than not, if they're a true friend or care about you at all, you can work it out together.  If not, and they just tell you your wrong, I personally choose not to have those type of people in my life today.  We communicate everyday, in all sorts of different ways; with our children, family members, friends, co-workers, and even strangers.  People are not mind readers(at least I have never met one), and our words can have a great impact on others.  Today, I do my best to be honest, and express my thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner.  Today I am aware of the power and impact my words can have on myself and others