Monday, September 19, 2011

This would be better if...

“This would be better if I were high.”

I actually uttered that phase this weekend. I did not feel good about it.

It is still a struggle everyday, some more then others.

What was funny is when I actually said that I wasn’t thinking about getting high or anything drug related at all. It just slipped out like it was natural to say.

Which I guess to us addicts it is natural. But it is still disturbing when it happens.

Actually to be honest I have no idea what is wrong with me. My body seems to be going out of whack. I have been getting sick to my stomach for what seems to be no reason at all. My moods are up and down. I am so sleepy it is not even funny. I wonder if this is because I am trying to get back on schedule?

I don’t know.

But onto a more uplifting side. Kelli turns 6 tomorrow! My big girl is growing up. She was with her daddy this weekend so he had her birthday party for her and we are having her birthday party with mommy this weekend. She is so excited.

Well I guess I should get back to work and I hope that my emotions stay up or at least level, I could deal with level!


  1. Let's hope not. I don't think that I could handle that right now.

  2. Could it just be part of staying sober? I am no expert on the subject, by any means, but I certainly know that using any substance for 12 years has a huge impact on our bodies, as well as emotionally. Your body may just be doing the same thing your brain is doing. Working it out.
    This happened to me a lot when I was in therapy for all the abuse that happened to me. We always focus on our brains... but our bodies our working through stuff too.

    Just be gentle with yourself, ok? Follow what your body is trying to say, rest when you can, etc.

    And happy early birthday Kelli!