I still struggle :(

So yesterday I was really sick. Throwing up all day at work and when I got home as well. I had a fever and no energy. It was horrible.

I know that I have wrote about this before but I still struggle with it now.

I have been sober for 14 months and when I am sick is the time I think about getting high the most.

I don't like it. I don't like that feeling.

"Normal" people don't have it. I just want to be "normal", but I will never be. The only difference between now and then is that now I have the tools to help me when I feel this way.

Now, I know of another way.

Everyone says that after you hit a year that things will get easier. I don't know if that is true or not. But I do know that it seems we have more tools to use. Maybe it is easier or maybe it's just we have put SO much work into this year that we don't want to let go over a simple sickness.

I am not such which. All I know is that I am glad that even though I had the urges to go get high, today I know that there is a better way. And for that I am thankful.