Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Guilt and a Christmas Program

Ok, so I did something this past weekend that I probably should not have done-I did not get high-but still I have a feeling of guilt because of it. I did have fun and didn’t do anything wrong. I actually have no idea why I feel some shame. Maybe because I feel like it could lead me into an unhealthy lifestyle that I don’t want anymore. Will I do it again? Honestly I don’t know. Can I do it again and make sure that I “behave”? Honestly I don’t know. I am not ready to talk about what I did, partly because I feel guilty, and hopefully I will soon be able to share. But for right now I just don’t want to. I don’t even really know why I am writing this here. Maybe just to get it out of my head because it is driving me insane, maybe to ease the guilt, I don’t know.

But on another happy note, Kelli is having her first Christmas program tonight, and mommy is so excited. Of course not as excited as she is, but still excited. I will have pictures and maybe even a video tomorrow! I can’t wait until tonight. She told me last night “Mommy I have to prepare you, my singing teacher says that I have to have my hands on my legs, a big smile on, and my eyes on my teacher, so I can’t look at you!”

I love that little girl! She is so cute and makes my heart just so happy. I am glad that no matter how screwed up I am/was that God saw it fit to give her to me. I could not ask for a better child. She is my favorite (does that count if I only have one? J ) and will probably be my favorite forever!

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