So, I went to a meeting tonight, which is our stick-candlelight meeting. Each person picks a stick and then they talk about whatever is on that stick. Tonight I got happiness, but that’s not really what I want to talk about.
A member drew out acceptance, which is hard for people. These last two or so weeks I have been having a hard time with acceptance.
On the 20th my car was totaled (everyone was fine just not the car). Instead of just turning it over to my higher power I freaked out, got depressed, and just went into a bad place. I stayed sober but I was not in a good frame of mind. It took me awhile to get back to myself, and that only happened when I turned it over to my higher power and accepted that things happen and there was nothing I could do about it at this time. I also had to realize that it was just a car, they can be replace (which I do have a new car now) but thankfully no one was hurt, because life is not replaceable.
I was good…until tonight. People have comfort zones, places where they feel safe and secure. We all like to stay in them but sometimes we are pushed out.
I am the quarterback in my life (sorry I’m watching the packers game, they won…boo) when I get the ball I like to stay in my pocket until I am comfortable to throw the ball. Sometimes things happen and it starts putting pressure on me and forces me out of my pocket, sometimes things work out well and I throw the ball to the receiver and there is a touchdown. Other times life forces me out of my pocket and sacks me; those are the times when I get hurt.
The times that I am sacked are the times that I am not ready to be forced out of my comfort zone. Let me say that nobody is ever ready to be pushed out but there are times that you need to be to see that everything will be fine. Than there are times when it is not the time or good for you to be forced out.
Tonight I got sacked and it hurt, to be honest I am still hurting, my stomach is still in knots, I feel like I am going to throw up as well as cry and totally did not do to the best of my abilities what I made a commitment to do. I feel like crap. I feel like a failure.
But right now I have to give it up to my higher power, and accept that it has happened and there is nothing that can be done about it. I have to pray. And as a member said in the meeting tonight; we have to accept that we cannot control other people or other things, the only things we can control is what we do and say.
So now I have to accept that tonight has happened already, it is in the past, there is nothing I can do about it.
I have already talked to my sponsor which helped greatly but I know that my higher power as I understand him is right here waiting for me to surrender this to him and to have complete faith that he will take it from me and help me, he does not care how small or stupid it seems to us or anyone else. He accepts me completely
Acceptance is a great thing and an even greater thing when you finally get it.
Just writing it out has helped me.
I hope that everyone’s Christmas and New Year’s was great!