A Stolen Idea

Mary Christine over at Being Sober has a blog post up called A Tiny Grateful List. Although I haven’t been blogging I have been reading everyone’s post. It at least keeps me (in my mind) from feeling like such a slacker.

I have been having trouble balancing and coming up with things to be grateful for, and reading Mary’s post made me wake up and think “just because you are having a bad day (or for me a slump) doesn’t mean there is nothing to be grateful for."

So Mary I stole your idea, I hope you don’t mind.

My tiny grateful list:

·        That my daughter loves me no matter how “mean” I am.

·        That my family and friends are there no matter what

·        That I have a “friend” that understands and makes me feel not so stupid when I talk about my feelings and makes me comfortable no matter how uncomfortable I feel, even if I am in the shower

·        That my sponsor is amazing and gets me

·        That I can have a crazy moment in front of a co-worker and he just laughs at me

·        That I have a job

·        That I have a God that will never turn his back on me

·        That no matter how crazy I drive that my "friend" will still ride with me

·        That my bills are paid

·        That I have 16 months of sobriety under my belt

·        That I am loved by many

There is so much more that I am grateful for, the hard part is remembering them even when you are down.

What do you have to be grateful for?

Perfectionism

I am back, sorry I have been gone. I have been trying to perfect my perfectionism. Ask me how well that worked out for me! Considered I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks and the one that I did post was what Josh sent me. It hasn’t worked out that well for me.

I was trying to get everything in my life perfect. I scheduled EVERYTHING. Here is a picture of my schedule.

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
5:00		Wake Up and get ready	Wake Up and get ready	Wake Up and get ready	Wake Up and get ready	Wake Up and get ready
6:00	Wake Up and get ready	Get Kelli Ready	Get Kelli Ready	Get Kelli Ready	Get Kelli Ready	Get Kelli Ready
7:00		Leave	Leave	Leave	Leave	Leave
8:00
9:00	Church
10:00
11:00
12:00		Work	Work	Work	Work	Work
1:00
2:00
3:00
4:00
5:00		Leave	Leave	Leave	Leave	Leave
6:00		Dinner	Dinner	Dinner	Bible	Time
7:00	Church	Kelli Time	Kelli Time	Church	Study	With	NA meeting
8:00	Bed	Bed	Bed	Bed	Bed	Debbie

The thing with trying to be perfect and doing everything perfect is that if something goes out of whack or you missing something in your schedule you feel like a failure.

I think that has to be the worse feeling in the world, for me anyways, is feeling that I have failed my family, friends, Kelli, and myself.

Thankfully I finished my 1^st step with my sponsor and as I was reading my answers out loud I came to some conclusions:

·        Everything does not have to be perfect for it to be right

·        If one little thing goes wrong it is not the end of the world

·        I need to stop being so hard on myself

Just because something its perfect doesn’t mean that it isn’t good enough.

So I am going to do the best I can, AND if something goes wrong I am going to try my hardest not to freak out.

We learn to accept and show compassion to ourselves‏

Ok, I know that I haven't posted in awhile. I am having a hard time balancing everything, I promise that I will be back shortly when I get it all figured out. BUT in the mean time Josh has came to the rescue and written a post. :)

Thank you Josh.

     Addicts know how to beat themselves up. In my active addiction and even into my recovery, I've been able to put myself down and hurt myself more than anyone else could ever do to me. This is part of addiction. 

     Our addiction loves to put us down anyway it can to make us feel bad enough to want to "escape" again. One of the main things vital to sustained recovery is learning to accept and love ourselves. Any twelve step program lays down a guide map to show us how to start doing this. By going to meetings, getting a sponsor and reading literature; we allow ourselves to be shown how to forgive and start loving ourselves.

      I had to admit that I didn't know how to live, I didn't know how to forgive or love myself. By first admitting these things, I've allowed myself the opportunity to be shown by others who have been in the exact same position as me. I've become open-minded to the fact that I do not have all of the answers; thus, if I'm willing to listen, to learn how others have changed. I'm the only one who allows my past and feelings to cripple myself. I have to realize that I am not defined by my past, but who I am and what I'm trying to be today. And there are so many people out there in recovery who are more than willing to freely share with me what has worked for them. 

     I don't just want to be clean; I want a life of recovery full of peace, joy, and serenity. The only way I've learned to get this, is by getting away from what I (Josh) wants, and my way of living. My way and my best ideas got me to self-destruction, jail, pain and many other negative things. Today, I have the choice; and I choose to find a way to live a life full of love, compassion, and peace. 

     I know that God (my personal Higher Power) has a plan for me, and I just have to trust in where he leads me. My plan was to never forgive myself, and destroy my life and hurt many others because of my addiction. Today I have a choice. I'm not who I was in my active addiction, and I'm not the person today that did all of those things in my past. I'm learning how to change and become the person my God wants me to be; I just have to keep learning from others in recovery and keep it simple.

     Today is all that matters, I can accept myself for who I am today.