Smile!

My mom got my a new daily devotional: The Confident Woman Devotional By Joyce Meyer

I loved today's so I though I would share!

October 12, 2011

Smile

I smiled on them when they had no confidence, and their depression did not cast down the light of my countenance. I chose their way [for them] and sat as [their] chief, and dwelt like a king among his soldiers, like one who comforts mourners.

Job 29:24-25

     It only takes seventeen muscles to smile, but forty-three to frown. In other words, you work a whole lot harder looking sour than looking happy! So make it a point to smile more. Smile a lot. The more you smile, the better you will feel. Your smile not only makes you appear and feel more confident, it gives others confidence. They feel approved of and accepted when we smile at them. We actually say more with our body language than we do with words. I can often tell if a person is confident just by the way they carry themselves and by the look on their face. Some people always look unsure and even frightened, while others appear confident and at ease.

     You may think that you cannot do anything about the way you look, but you can. I started out as a person who rarely smiled. I had a perpetual solemn look. I had lost hope; I had a negative attitude; I was fearful, and it showed on my face and in the way I carried myself. I started making changes by just smiling. Now I smile a lot.

     Make it a point to smile several times a day and see how it changes how you feel.

Lord, whether I feel like it or not, I will smile today and bring cheer to those I meet. I will rejoice and be glad. Amen.



DON'T FORGET YOUR SMILE TODAY!

I love this!

I have this on my phone wallpaper so that everytime I look at my phone I see this!

Step 1 (Part 2)

My study on the fist step:

The following is from the website A.A. way of life:

I am just going to pick out the main points but feel free to go to the link above and read it!

Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Surrender is ESSENTIAL in order to recover from alcoholism. The "Big Book" devotes 51 pages to the first part of the surrender process; which is to admit we have a problem that we cannot help ourselves with.

Alcohol is a poison. The NORMAL reaction to alcohol is to have one or two drinks and not go any further. But, OUR reaction is MUCH different. We have one or two drinks just to get STARTED. Once an alcoholic starts drinking, because of the unique way it's processed in their body, we set off a craving where we want more alcohol. This is an allergy or abnormal reaction to alcohol because about nine out of ten people don't get that, once they start drinking. So an alcoholic CANNOT always predict how much they are going to drink, and a NON-alcoholic CAN always predict how much they are going to drink.

Below is from 12step.org:

How It Works

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
- A.A. Big Book, p. 24 (Substitute your own addiction for drink if your addiction is different than alcohol)

Step 1 is the first step to freedom. I admit to myself that something is seriously wrong in my life. I have created messes in my life. Perhaps my whole life is a mess, or maybe just important parts are a mess. I admit this and quit trying to play games with myself anymore. I realize that my life has become unmanageable in many ways. It is not under my control anymore. I do things that I later regret doing and tell myself that I will not do them again. But I do. I keep on doing them, in spite of my regrets, my denials, my vows, my cover-ups and my facades. The addiction has become bigger than I am. The first step is to admit the truth of where I am, that I am really powerless over this addiction and that I need help.
- From 12Step.org

When we admit our powerlessness and the inability to manage our own lives, we open the door to recovery. No one could convince us that we were addicts. It is an admission that we had to make for ourselves. When some of us have doubts, we ask ourselves this question: "Can I control my use of any form of mind or mood-altering chemicals?"
Most will see that control is impossible the moment it is suggested. Whatever the outcome, we find that we cannot control our using for any length of time.
This would clearly suggest that an addict has no control over drugs. Powerlessness means using against our will. If we can't stop, how can we tell ourselves we are in control? The inability to stop using, even with the greatest willpower and the most sincere desire, is what we mean when we say, "We have absolutely no choice".
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 1

Admitting powerlessness is absolutely essential to breaking the addiction cycle, which is made up of five points:

1. Pain ->
2. Reaching out to an addictive agent, such as work, food, sex, alcohol, or dependent relationships to salve our pain ->
3. Temporary anesthesia ->
4. Negative consequences ->
5. Shame and guilt, which result in more pain or low self-esteem

For example, the workaholic who has low self-esteem (pain) begins to overwork (addictive agent), which results in praise, success, and achievement (relief). However, as a rule, family relationships and his personal relationship with God suffer terribly because of preoccupation with work (negative consequences). The result is an even greater sense of shame and guilt because of inadequacies, both real and imagined, which brings him back to point 1 in the addiction cycle. Now the workaholic feels compelled to work even harder to overcome his guilt.
Understanding the addiction cycle is important because it helps explain why for both the Oxford Group and for Bill Wilson, the admission of powerlessness is the first step to recovery. Otherwise, we remain caught. If we rely on willpower alone, then the only thing we know to do is to escalate our addiction to get out of the pain. Step 1 calls us to do less - to yield, to surrender, to let go.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 22-23

This is just a few stuff that I found floating around there. If you need help with recovery please talk to someone.

Just think: you have tried everything else why not this?

Birthdays :(

Ok, I am sure that a lot of you getting ready to read this post will think “WTH, what is she complaining about?” But it is on my mind so I am writing it!

In 11 days I will be 27! It is scaring the crap out of me! Yes, I know 27, oh no poor baby! LOL!

When I turned 25 I laid in bed half the day crying. It was horrible.

When I turned 26 I was in county jail so that birthday was a bust, BUT county jail probably saved my life, thinking back to what we had planned for my birthday probably would have ended in death, I am not kidding either. Sad but true.

Now it’s 27, 3 years until I am 30. I have a year of sobriety under my belt, and although I am doing well I have accomplished nothing I thought I would have when I was little.

By now I really thought that I would have the “American dream”, 2.5 kids, house, white picket fence, a marriage that will last forever, and all the comes with it.

Instead I am a single mom to 1 kid, renting a house with no fence, struggling with sobriety.

I shouldn’t complain! The one kid I have is the most amazing, smart, and beautiful that anyone could ever have (even if does seem like I am living with dr.jekly and Mr. Hyde some days J )

I am living on my own in a house that I pay the rent on!

I have my own car and am paying my own bills.

I am dating an amazing man!

I have a year of sobriety and I am not letting that go at all.

So in everything I have been though I am doing better then I have ever done.

Yet I can’t help but think where would I be if I choose a different path?

Does anyone else ever think like this, or is it just me?

First sober birthday party!

So for the first time sober, I threw Kelli a birthday party.

I also made the cake! That is the first one I have ever done for her or anyone else for that matter.

It was great fun to be surrounded by family, friends, and her class mates.

I figured I would post some pictures.

I can’t believe how big my baby is, I am so grateful to be her with her to watch her grow, change and become her own person.

I am so grateful to care now!

Step 1 (Part 1)

Another post by Josh. He is such an amazing and insightful person, I hope that someone can get something out of his words!

Step One:

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

It is easy to say the words, but we need to look at exactly what we are admitting to.  Saying I am powerless over my addiction, isn't just saying that I am powerless over drugs (including alcohol).  The using of drugs is just one of the many symptoms of my addiction. 

My addiction is my obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors in wanting to control anything and everything around me.  My addiction is my inability to handle life's stresses and even good times in a positive way.  For me, my addiction reached into every single part of my life, so when I admit that I am powerless over my addiction, I'm really admitting that I am powerless over my life. 

This is what my addiction has done to me, taken control of my life, which for me led to why my life was so unmanageable.  Each of us has to decide on our own the various ways our lives have become unmanageable, and all the ways in which we are powerless over our addiction.  We all had our own journeys and experiences in our active addiction, though many of us have experienced many of the same things, we each have our unique stories and places our addiction took us. 

 For me, my addiction affected everything, so I became powerless over everything.  My unmanageability was easily seen in many areas, but when I really looked, I could see how my entire life had become unmanageable.  Work, being a responsible father, friend, my health, relationships, and many other things were unmanageable in my life because of my addiction. 

Most 12-Step groups consider this first step, to surrender.  This in no way means that we have given up.  It means that I have decided to stop fighting my addiction and trying to do things on my own, because everything I've tried on my own hasn't worked.  It's humbling myself and finally being honest that I am not happy with my life and I want to change.  I wouldn't be where I am at today in my recovery, were it not for taking this first step. 

How can I expect to solve a problem, if I am not even willing to admit there is one in the first place?  By admitting my powerlessness and unmanageability, I begin to surrender to my ways of thinking and dealing with my life.  I admit that I am not happy with my life, and want to change.  That's all you have to do with this first step. 

There is no timetable or due date when it comes to recovery.  We work each step, one at a time, and in the order that they are written.  Let step two wait until I know I've worked step one to the best of my ability, because it's not going anywhere. 

 I try to live step one every single day, and remind myself of my powerlessness and unmanageability that came with my addiction.  My power today, comes from my surrender, and asking for help; which there is plenty of in many different forms if I look and ask for it.

Happy 1 year to me!!!!

Well I did it, I made it though!

Today is 1 year that I have been sober.

Last year well at this time I was getting booked into jail and starting my jail/court/prison journey.

I am so proud of how far that I have came in a year, but I also know how far I can quickly fall.

S and my mom both told me how proud they are of me and that feels so good to here.

These past 2 weeks have been crazy busy so I have not been posting alot. Today will be a day that there are a lot of post from me.

Josh has written another post and I just haven't had the time to put it up but I am going to along with others.

This is such a beautiful and amazing day to me, I hope that everyone else is enjoying this day as well!