Lesson I learned today

Today was horrible mentally for me...I ate everything in sight. I did wake up at 5:30 this morning and read my readings. But other than that everything else I did not do! Mentally this was a hard day.

At about 3 this afternoon I felt gross, horrible, and disgusted with myself. So I took a nap...which brings me to my lesson today:

I can start over at any point!

I have learned this throughout my years in NA but I have honestly never applied it to my life. Thankfully I did today. I woke up from my nap, remember this and started making better choices. I was going to work out after I posted something on Facebook, but wanted to blog before I forgot ( I have a horrible memory).

So my lesson for today; no matter how you feel, no matter what is going on, no matter what...YOU and I can start our day over at any point!

Thank God for that!

Vigilance

Vigilance

That was the topic of last night’s Narcotics Anonymous meeting. As this new year starts I feel that for me this is a good topic.

I have slacked in the vigilance department in all areas of my life. My physical health, my spirituality, my mental health, and my day to day life.

I have known this for a while. But knowing and doing are two different things. This year I need to do something about it. I have life goals…I do not have resolutions. I don’t really like resolutions…I feel like when I hear the words resolution they are set up for failure. At least in my life. But I degrees.

Why does it matter if I am vigilant or not? In all areas of my life if I am not vigilant I will lose it.

My mental health for a lack of a better way has been horrible. In September I tried to take my life…thankfully the cops were called and they found me just in time. I don’t say this for sympathy or pity. I say this because I neglected myself. I gave everything I had to everyone else with nothing left over for myself (there were other things going on obviously but for the most part this was the reason). This year I plan to take time for myself, it is not something that I would like to do, it is something that I have to do.

My physical health is not much better than my mental health. I have gained so much weight that I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. It has nothing to do with the number on the scale, because honestly I just don’t care what that number says. I just want to feel comfortable. I need to feel comfortable.

My spirituality could be better, and actually it’s just as bad as my mental health and physical health. I have not been going to church nor have I been doing my daily readings that I used to do.

And my day to day life is just as bad. I become obsessive about little things and have so many to do list that it’s not even funny. In this I forget about my little things going on at home.

So these are things that I am going to be vigilant about through-out the year.