After months of putting this off, last night I have finally started step 4. Although I am doing it on my own I don’t recommended that at all. I should probably be doing it with my sponsor, and I will probably end up doing it with her.
I will be honest I am scared of this step. It’s not something that I want to do and I was dragging my feet doing it and am still dragging my feet.
Though-out prison, Recovery Lighthouse, and NA I have always heard the saying “step 1, 2, 3, use.” Meaning you complete your 1-3rd steps and when you go onto your 4th step that is when you are more likely to relapse. That scares me, I guess it should.
Ok, so before I started typing this up I texted my sponsor, “I need to do some step work.”
I have done steps 1-3, but on my own.
My sponsor called and we have set up a date to get together. So I am starting over, I am going to “re-do” step 1 with her.
This is actually kind of bittersweet for me. I am relieved because it gives me more time before step 4. But at the same time I just want to get step 4 over with.
I am not exactly sure when I stopped being so recovery gung-ho, but it happened. I need to get back to where I was. I need to feel good about myself again, on the inside as well as the outside.
I need to change things! I need to change myself!